Don’t be a victim to your crazy family this holiday season…
Hi, Beautiful! I want to take a minute to talk about something that a lot of my clients are really struggling with right now…especially going into family situations and knowing that you’re going to be seeing certain relatives.
A lot of my clients are struggling with hoping that relatives aren’t going to say certain things or do certain things…and they’re getting themselves very worked up anticipating this behavior and how they’re going to try to control that.
So, for one of my amazing clients, it’s her mom always asking about her weight. Going into Thanksgiving dinner, she is stressing, she is venting to all her friends about how messed up it is that her mom ALWAYS asks about her weight… “She better not do it again…and if she does she’s gonna do this and she’s gonna say that…and we’re gonna set all these boundaries.” – things like this.
What’s happened is she’s getting herself SO worked up and thinking about how can she control and make her mom not make that comment, and it’s created a lot of resentment. She’s just really VERY stressed out.
What I was trying to get her to see – and what she DID see – is that she’s spending a lot of time and energy trying to control what she does…and she can’t!
She’s going to ask about her weight. She’s going to do it.
…and how do we know that? Because she ALWAYS does! And she gets to decide how she wants to show up in that situation.
Through the coaching, I was like: “You know, you are giving your mom a LOT of power over how you feel…you’re giving her all the power to make you feel shame. So what if you take the power back, and what if you decide how you want to think ahead of time? Because you KNOW she’s going to ask about your weight.”
From a place of curiosity and a place of compassion, my client was able to think the thought: “My mom has always struggled with her own weight, and it’s caused her a lot of pain and for her to be very self-conscious about it.” And when she thinks that thought about her mom commenting on her own weight, she feels SO much more love for her mom and much more compassion.
It’s a very different experience than: “My mom makes comments about my weight…she doesn’t think I look appropriate or nice, and I feel shame.” to: “My mom makes comments about my weight because my mom struggles with her own weight and has a lot of pain associated with that…and I feel a lot of love for my mom because she probably doesn’t want me to be experiencing what she’s experienced.”
That gives her the power! Now my client has the power…she can decide what she wants to think and feel, and she can do that ahead of time!
She’s skipping the drama.
She knows her mom is definitely going to ask about her weight.
And she has decided how she wants to think about it.
That’s available to all of YOU. It’s available to everyone!
So if you found that helpful (I hope you did) in knowing that you are in control; if you’re struggling with that or something like that…give me a call!
Have a great day!